“I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.”
someone i know is grieving.
When someone we know is grieving, we may want to help but are not sure what to do. Maybe there’s a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing or making things worse. It’s okay to feel this way, and it’s okay to acknowledge that supporting a loved one in grief can be awkward and even uncomfortable. We may not always respond well, but consistently showing up with genuine compassion and empathy is what matters.
This page is a collection of resources and recommendations for supporting others in grief, including some that you may even want to share with the person who is grieving.
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DON’T
give unsolicited advice
make it about you / your experience (“I know how you feel”) or otherwise project your experience or emotions upon the bereaved
respond with “At least…” or signal any attempt to find a silver lining in the situation
offer any platitudes such as “They are in a better place,” “There is a reason for everything,” “Heaven has a new angel now,” etc.
DO
listen. Being present is so important, and it’s okay to say things like “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”
ask to hear stories of the deceased and share your own memories, too (DON’T be afraid to say their name.)
reach out. And DO continue checking in long after the death. Messages of care that begin with “No need to respond” can alleviate pressure on the griever to get back to you while still making them feel loved.
offer clear, specific help that gives the bereaved a choice, such as “I want to send over dinner — what day and time is good?” or “We are going to the park — can I pick up your kids to join us?” (DON’T offer help by saying, “Let me know what you need!” This means well, but it puts the onus on the bereaved.)
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It can be difficult and exhausting for those in grief to articulate their needs. Here are some tools to help you show up for them in specific ways that can help them get through the day.
MealTrain conveniently organizes meal giving and can also provide tools to coordinate errands, visitors, and other needs.
Spoonful of Comfort sends sympathy soup gift baskets that include a selection of soups, rolls, and cookies.
Give InKind allows you to personalize giving pages according to specific needs and wishlists to provide the support those grieving need from their community.
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When the person who is grieving is ready to connect with others in a supportive group setting, here are some of our grief support group recommendations.
GriefShare leads support groups that meet for thirteen weeks; topics range from loneliness and fear to relationships and hope. Their website search engine will help direct you to local groups.
NYC-based?
Adult Bereavement Support is offered by Calvary Hospital, with multiple groups that meet around the city.
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Hearts2Heal (H2H): a Black-Latinx-, woman-, and veteran-led nonprofit providing community-based grief support and mental health programs for the Black, Brown, and military-connected community.
Soaring Spirits International: grief support programs for widowed men and women.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: support for suicide loss survivors.
COPE Foundation: started by bereaved parents, connects individuals who have experienced the loss of family members.
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The Artists’ Grief Deck is a series of beautiful cards—each a blend of words and images, prompts created by artists and grief workers to aid in the processing of grief.
Also available on AmazonGrief is Human is a deck of cards with reflection and activity prompts to help navigate the complex journey of loss.
Also available on AmazonOption B provides online resources and support for those facing loss and hardship.
Help Texts sends expert grief support, personalized and immediate, via text message.
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The Modern Loss Handbook: An Interactive Guide to Moving Through Grief and Building Your Resilience: a blend of practical advice, innovative practices, and wit.
Available on Bookshop
Available on AmazonA Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis: a truthful reflection on life, death, and faith written after the tragic death of the author’s wife.
Available on Bookshop
Available on AmazonBookshop: this is where our entire library of recommended books can be found, including a running list specific to loss and grief. Any purchase made from this site benefits both local bookshops and Here to Honor.
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Two podcasts addressing grieving in community with humor and heart:
We Can Do Hard Things: Why Grief—like Love—is Forever with Marisa Renee Lee
Saved by the City: Grief is Hell. Friends Make it Less Awful. + J.S. Park